Most people don't get as many chances as me. Nor do they have the amount of flukes / failures as I do. The amount of times that I've "fallen from grace" and recovered by being smarter than others in the pack and getting ahead again. But this time I feel like I don't have the motivation to pick myself up again. I type on a $2500 computer system, sitting in a comfortable chair that costs hundreds of dollars, and yet I think to myself about how unfortunate I am. The thoughts of failure terrify me. But what am I supposed to do about that? My only options are failure or success. Fear isn't an option but that doesn't stop me from worrying about it. I don't know if I can mentally take rebuilding and falling from grace again... I'm not sure what that would do to me. But I suppose that there's only one way to find out.
It's either that or a gunshot to the head of my trepidation. Either way, it'll be a gunshot.