Sarevok9 (sarevok9) wrote,
Sarevok9
sarevok9

Changes

The other day I was sitting along.   I was tired, of thinking about how dissatisfied I am.  I was thinking about taking action, how there's nothing permanant in my life.  People come and go, relationships start and end, and even though I know that I'm either the cause or catalyst of every mishap in my tumultuous life, I am left wondering endlessly about how I can continue to endure the life that I have.

Most people don't get as many chances as me.  Nor do they have the amount of flukes / failures as I do.  The amount of times that I've "fallen from grace" and recovered by being smarter than others in the pack and getting ahead again.  But this time I feel like I don't have the motivation to pick myself up again.  I type on a $2500 computer system, sitting in a comfortable chair that costs hundreds of dollars, and yet I think to myself about how unfortunate I am.  The thoughts of failure terrify me.  But what am I supposed to do about that?   My only options are failure or success.  Fear isn't an option but that doesn't stop me from worrying about it.  I don't know if I can mentally take rebuilding and falling from grace again... I'm not sure what that would do to me.  But I suppose that there's only one way to find out.

It's either that or a gunshot to the head of my trepidation.   Either way, it'll be a gunshot.
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