Sarevok9 (sarevok9) wrote,
Sarevok9
sarevok9

Thoughts:

Would it be worth trading all of my intellect for a life of relative stupidity but happiness? It is my inability to be wrong, even for a moment that forces me into my solitude. My eternal pessimism from a life of terrible consequence begetting further consequence forces me to always bet against happiness and favor entropy.

I am the loneliest person that the world has ever known... I am never content, always faking it. Just making the world believe that I'm 'alright'. There's no sense in trying to get 'better' for me, I just don't see the point. I am this way because I am the sum of my parts. If my parts are poisoning me then I've clearly been envenomated by something that is potent enough to kill me, why fight that? Obscurity is destined, regardless of how I look at it. Even if I become president time will wash over my name eventually.

Is the constant changing of my appearance because I have dysmorphia? I know that I hate myself, I just don't really know how much...

Sidenote: I've lost 13 lbs this month, bringing me down to 152, which is sort of where I wanted to be anyways. Odd considering I haven't changed ANYTHING about my diet, lifestyle, relationships, or life in general.

Snakebites are healing pretty well... they almost feel 'normal' in a sense... I guess that's a good thing. Sorta.

Fuck me.

Almost 4am.

Other news, laptop has been acting up since Xmas day, the AC adapter hasn't been fitting properly... apparently sony is paying for a repair guy to come to my house (wtf?)
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